5 Levels of Needs

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs Abraham Maslow, Motivation and Personality, 2nd ed., Harper & Row, 1970

In many of my blogs I mention fulfilling your spouses needs, and how communication, intimacy, affection, affirmation are all basic needs of your spouse. In my years going through communication, psychology, and organizational leadership training and classes, I've come across Maslow's Hierarchical needs on many occasions. How is this important to a marriage? People must have certain needs met, and part of your job as a spouse is to help your partner meet those needs. The above diagram is how I remember seeing it for the most part, but it has since expanded into 8 needs, but we'll stick to the 5 basic needs. The idea behind the pyramid is that the lower level needs must be fulfilled or our focus will be diverted to fulfilling them while forgetting about any levels above. This can be a problem in a marriage, especially since the need for love and relationships is on level 3 of the pyramid.

Level 1: Physiological Needs - These include hunger, thirst, sleep, and air, which are all basic needs that we need to survive. Sex has been added between the 1970 picture that I have shown and now, since it is now seen as a basic and necessary need and not just a desire. Obviously, the first set of needs are being provided by you working and "bringing home the bacon," but sex is just as basic of a need that is necessary to a persons essential being, (however not essential to living, it has shown health benefits) and plays an integral role in satisfying the basic needs in a marriage. Another aspect of physiological needs can be finances. To satisfy your hunger, thirst, and sleep areas of this need, you will need to ensure that provisions are in order and that the fear of losing the fulfillment of this need is not a problem. Sit down with one another and work out a budget, minimize spending, and get help if necessary, or this will be the only need on your mind until you get a little more stability in this area.

Level 2: Safety Needs - Your partner also needs some sort of security needs met, which can include physical security, but your spouse also wants to feel safe with you, and remain in a safe environment when you are together. If you remove them from a safe environment or make them feel unsafe when you get angry, you are taking away this basic need in their life. If you are having problems with a spouse that makes you feel unsafe, please get help (Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) and if you are immediate danger dial 911). For further information visit http://www.ndvh.org/. If you live in a bad neighborhood, maybe installing an alarm system could help you feel safe and satisfy that need.

Level 3: Social Needs - You and your partner need to communicate with one another, but this also includes intimacy and affection as I've mentioned this in a previous blog. It's also important that you create contact, and show affection such as hugging and kissing. Your spouse needs to feel wanted and desired and that he/she belongs with you and that you belong with them. Your spouse needs an outlet, and it is best for your marriage if you provide them that basic need of conversation and affection within your marriage.

Level 4: Esteem Needs - This is where the mutual edification comes into practice that I mentioned in this blog under point number 3. This also includes recognition, which means more than just saying "Thank You", but showing true appreciation for what your spouse brings to the proverbial table. Your spouse also needs to know that you are attracted to them, that you think more of them than someone who makes the money, watches the kids, or takes out the trash to name a few.

Level 5: Self Actualization - In the final level of the pyramid, you and your spouse are able to realize or actualize their dreams. The idea is that need levels 1 through 4 have to be met prior to you and your spouse seeking to meet this highest level need. According to http://www.businessballs.com/maslow.htm only 2% of the worlds population ever attain this level. Don't hold your partner back from acheiving their dreams, so you must fulfill their basic needs first.