5 Important Aspects of Communication

I've mentioned communication before in both the building the foundation and conflict resolution blogs, and I'm mentioning it again, because open lines of communication between the husband and wife will help make your marriage-life flow smoother and reduce stress on the marriage. My inspiration for this section is from James 1:19, "...be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." Expanding off that, here are some ideas to help make your communication easier and better. Refer to both the previous blogs as they are helpful, but here are 5 important aspects of proper communication with your spouse:

1) Remove Barriers to Communication: Communication involves a sender, a receiver and a message. When talking with your spouse and things seem to get heated, it may be because one person is not receiving the message properly. There are multiple stumbling blocks that can interfere with the receiver properly hearing the message, ranging from voice, language barriers, and noise, but you need to adapt and overcome. The best way to communicate important issues is to set down face-to-face with no distractions. If you find times that your husband or wife is not getting your message, don't get upset, figure out what is blocking your message from your receiver and remove the obstacle if possible, or wait until an appropriate time when the distraction is no longer a problem. For instance, trying to talk when washing the dishes or vacuuming is a bad idea. If you are watching television mute or turn off the television if you have "important" things to say.

2) Actively Listen: Listening involves more than just hearing. Pay attention and let the message sink in, rather than just thinking of what you are going to say next. Communication should not be one sided, as it should involve two people, so if you find yourself controlling the conversation maybe it's time for you to switch to listening mode. Again, one person talks the other one listens and alternate.

3) Don't Interrupt: Give each other an ample amount of time to talk about something; one person talks the other one listens without interrupting. This goes along with rule 2, and do everything you can to not interrupt as this shows respect for the message that your partner is trying to convey, while interrupting just increases tensions. If you don't show respect, it's hard to receive it and hold people to not interrupting you when its your turn to speak. Remember the Golden Rule, Luke 6:31, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

4) Do not allow yourself to get angry: Try to remain calm and maintain the situation calm. If things get heated, cool down and try to discuss it after things settle down a little. "A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel," Proverbs 15:18.

5) Acknowledge the speaker: Show your partner that you are listening by actively participating in the conversation rather than just saying, "mmm hmm," try to provide some feedback that shows that you are not only hearing but have something to add, but remember rules 2 and 3. Proverbs 15:1, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

Hope this helps... Feel free to respond and add to this conversation.