Is it Better Not to Marry?

In 1 Corinthians 7, it is said that Paul says it's better not to marry or it's good not to marry, but why would he say such a thing? Better yet, did he say such a thing?

The Greek used here in verse 1 that has been translated in the NIV as "to marry," actually refers to touch (this exact form of the term is only used in Luke 6:19 where it actually refers to the multitude trying to touch Jesus), but the NIV has translated it as "better not to marry." The ESV translates the last part of verse 1 as "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." The KJV translates this, "It is good for a man not to touch a woman." (Download a free Interlinear Scripture Analyzer) I don't want to argue translation, but I think that there is more going on here than just saying it's better for people not to marry. Paul goes on to say that due to all the fornication, adultery, homosexuality (sexual immorality - porneia in the Greek) that each man should have one wife and each woman one husband. This second verse and on is the obvious answer to the question posed in the first verse "Now for the matters you wrote about...", but it is my belief that this question was most likely regarding sexual immorality, as this was a huge problem at this time in Corinth (see chapter 6), rather than the issue of not getting married, but I'm no expert of the Greek Lexicon.

Paul continues on and begins to talk about sex within the marriage, that it should be mutual and somewhat often, due to a lack of self-control and temptation. I believe that self-control is the real issue at hand here and temptation and self-control are mentioned at least 5 times throughout the chapter and 4 of them are in the first half. Continuing on, Paul says in verse 7, "I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another." Some have taken this to mean that I wish that all were unmarried as he is, but how does that relate to his gift. This does not directly say, "I wish that all were not married," this is referring to his gift of self-control. Marriage is a gift from God, Paul is not saying that refraining from marriage is a gift. He had a special gift, he was able to abstain from sexual immorality without burning passions; he had self-control, which is what he is referring to in this chapter. Not everyone has that gift, we each have our own gifts.

Each of Paul's letters were written to a specific group of people at a specific time with certain issues and problems. The Corinthians were struggling with sexual immorality. Some of the problems included marriage and divorce, which Paul specifically addresses in this chapter, "10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife." We know that according to the bible that if you divorce and remarry that it's considered adultery, but the big point here was not to divorce at all.

James 1: "16 Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. 17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." Marriage is a gift from God and this gift is perfect because marriage of man and wife are modeled after God's perfect love for the Church, therefore God would not tell us that it is better not to marry, unless there were certain circumstances.

Verse 26: "Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are." If you are married, stay married, if you are not, don't get married. This is again not speaking against marriage. There was a "crisis" at this time; churches were being persecuted, people being persecuted for their beliefs. A married man would be worried about his wife and family and "worldly things" in these times of persecution and distress, rather than the Lord's affairs (Look at 1 Cor 7:25-28). Paul wants the people of Corinth to be "free from anxieties" (v. 32) that marriage would cause, the problems they would have to face, as we all know marriage is not easy, and I'm sure this would be amplified in these times.

It may have been at that time better not to marry, and at some other times in history this may have also been the case as well as some point in the future, but there is no reason to refrain from marriage through an oath of celibacy, or require anyone to do so. 1 Timothy 4:2-3 speaks against these hypocritical teachings that come from deceiving spirits and demons.

So, it is biblical to get married, and marriage is something that God created and intended from creation of man and woman. But, in some cases it may be beneficial to not marry, but in no way is it required or commanded by God, ever. However, this decision to not marry should fall in the hands of the individual through much prayer and study, and should also be based on their ability to abstain from sexual lusts and desires. Remember, even thinking lustful thoughts is considered adultery, so if you cannot abstain from said sexual desires, you should marry. In the NIV, Paul says, starting at the second half of verse 8 toward the unmarried and widows "...I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." In the KJV, "I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I," which is talking about them "abiding" and not giving in to their lustful desires, rather than his position on marriage.

Being married is a blessing, but it brings on additional turmoil that can be hard on Christians in their walk with God, and can add to a couple the additional pressure of providing for family, needs, shelter, and other concerns.

Read the English Standard Version or KJV or NASB and some others, and I believe that you will get a better understanding of what Paul is actually saying in this chapter. I have no issue with KJV, NIV, ESV or any other version, but I think that some things are not always as they seem in any version. If you have a better understanding or more insight, please feel free to comment and correct me, because that's what we are instructed to do. Matter of fact, if you read it, just tell me what you think or what you liked or disliked.

5 Steps to Prevent That Big Scarlett "A"

For those of you that have no idea what the "Scarlett Letter" by Nathaniel Hawthorne is, I'm referring to Adultery. In a previous blog, I mentioned that the biggest reason for divorce was the everyday little annoyances in life that just build up and deteriorate the foundation that you've built. We talked a little about that foundation and a few ways to make those arguments less of a yelling contest and more of a way to communicate your feelings with one another. However, Adultery is a problem and once something like that creeps into your marriage, it can rip your marriage apart. Most outside-of-marriage sexual encounters are not just one-night stands, they usually build up slowly with friends, acquaintances, or co-workers during rough times or when one spouse is seeking something they aren't finding at home, usually a basic need, so let's look at 5 measures you as a couple can take to prevent the big "A" before it starts:

1) Honest and Open Communication - "Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully... for we are all members of one body (Ephesians 4:25)." Be honest, open, and communicate your feelings and needs with one another. If you need someone to talk to, talk to your spouse, and be there for each other. Try to fulfill that need and desire in your spouse to have an emotional bond with someone. (Refer to #2 on this blog for more on communication)

2) Set Time Aside for Love-Making - Don't neglect to have sex with each other, 1 Corinthians 7:3 says, "The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband." I'm not saying that you have to have sex every day, but I would say a couple times a week, and at the least once per week; this is important, especially if one person has more of a sex drive than the other. 1 Corinthians 7:5 goes on to say, "Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." I know couples who have gone long periods of time without sex, and in these situations it created a longing for human contact that they seeked to fulfill elsewhere. If you and your spouse haven't had sex in over a month, someone needs to take the initiative (be the bigger person) and have sex, better yet, make love! When you do come together, remove all distractions and find a time that will work for both of you (make time; your marriage is important). Make it meaningful and make it about the other person, especially if you want it to be more of a routine thing in your marriage.

3) Appreciation and Affirmation - Have together-time and tell your spouse how great they are. Your spouse needs affirmation and edification, they need to know that they still light your fire and that those passion flames are still burning for them. It is imperative to "... comfort each other and edify one another," as we should do per 1 Thessalonians 5:11. Some ways to show appreciation and affirmation to your spouse are to:

• Create contact - touch your spouses arm or leg, run your hands through their hair, hug each other.
• Create positive thoughts - give each other cards, leave notes, tell them thank you, say something nice, give them a call, an e-mail, a text message, and truly appreciate each other.
• Be Thankful - Be truly thankful for all that your spouse does for you, and show appreciation whenever possible. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."

Please don't overlook this step, this fulfills one of the lowest levels of our natural human needs; you do want to fulfill your spouses needs don't you?

4) Don't Set Yourself Up For Failure - Most extramarital affairs occur due to these types of situations where one partner opens up to someone other than their spouse who starts filling their basic needs. Don't confide in a friend of the opposite sex; your spouse should be your best friend, and you should be sharing everything with him or her. If you have a special connection with another person of the opposite sex, it breaks down the trust you have in one another and works to emotionally attach you to someone other than your spouse. It's very important to not allow yourself in the situation where you could compromise yourself and your morals, so don't spend time alone with members of the opposite sex. Confide in your spouse and if you are having issues, you should really talk to your spouse or seek counseling. You don't have to break all ties with your friends, but what is more important to you, the relationship you had with some girl or guy that is your "friend", or your spouse? I'm hoping your marriage is more important to you than a past friendship that will surely fade away in years to come.

5) Constantly think of your spouse and family (positively) - Think about those things that brought you toward your spouse (make a list if you have to). Remember the vows you made and what they mean to you; why should that change now? Keep your spouse and family in your thoughts and prayers as your family should be your number one priority. Harboring good thoughts all day long helps you keep those thoughts when you come home after a bad day at work. Similarly, if you have nothing but bad thoughts, that will also show through in your communication with each other and spark arguments and conflict.

These 5 steps will help you satisfy basic needs in your marriage, and help ensure these bonds are built with you and your spouse while strengthening these bonds.

I hope that all helps out... feel free to respond.