My Blog of Random Happenings

Summer was busy! Time to catch up a little

2010-11-14T20:34:00.000-08:00

We went down to California for a couple weeks back in August... drove down the coast-line for a little along 101 down to San Fransisco. We stayed there for two days with family. Then we headed down the 5 to Santa Ana. We had a great time with family and friends down there. Most of which I haven't seen for a very long time.

Then we drove back up to Sacramento to hang out with my bro and sis and family. We had a blast! Look forward to going back down soon!

School started, and my Little Faith is a Kindergartener ... crazy! Grace played soccer, and her season lasted about two months. She scored multiple goals, and sometimes multiple goals in one game even. In that game she scored the last two goals to pull ahead and win 4-3 when the star player was injured, I was excited about it. She had a great time, and we enjoyed watching her too! The girls are both in Awana's, they're having a blast, and I actually help out during verses and games, but not in either of their classes.

Of course, there was Halloween! The girls pictured below.

I've been eating most of their candy though.

That's been our summer... for the most part. How was yours?

Mountt St. Helens

2010-07-19T11:51:00.000-07:00

Took the fam up to Mount St. Helens and had a great time... check out my album and view some pics!

Just click the photo to go to my picasa web album

Cape Lookout

2010-07-16T21:03:00.000-07:00

We went camping at Cape Lookout on the Oregon Coast. My new favorite place to camp is at the ocean, and Cape Lookout is the place we go. Beautiful scenery and my beautiful family... check out some pictures we took! Click on the picture to go to my picasa web gallery!

New Family Photos

2010-06-02T12:32:00.000-07:00

Recently we drove up to Washington for some festivities and along the way we also got some family photo's done.

Of course, you'll have to follow this
link to go see them

and here's the gallery if you want to buy one... mom! If you can't figure it out give me a call!

Hope's 1st cake

2010-02-26T22:31:00.000-08:00

Earlier in the month, Hope turned 1 year old. Here is a short clip that we all really enjoyed of her eating her cake.

I video taped each kid eating their cake, and Hope was so different in the fact that she actually attacked the cake and went for it. I just love it.

Got a new Dog...

2009-11-17T08:55:00.000-08:00

LILY...

and the girls love her. So far, she has been a great dog. She slept in her crate all night without making a peep. I hope she stays this good.

She's really moving along now

2009-10-07T15:36:00.000-07:00

Hope after her bath

Crawling on the floor after a little enticing from her sister. The first few seconds are all messed up due to the video conversion to shrink it down for the web.

Hope Crawling

2009-09-21T06:52:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to post video of Hope crawling for some time now, but I ruined the shots by talking and/or singing in them. She's been crawling or at least moving around for a few weeks now. Here's the video, from today, so she's a little better at it now. Enjoy!!!

somehow, I turned the sound off on my cell phone... I guess I should have used my good camera

Growing Up!

2009-09-16T17:21:00.000-07:00

My kids are just growing up. Grace just turned 7, started the 2nd grade, and is losing a bunch of teeth. Here she is just showing off her lack of teeth.
Hope is 7 months today, eating baby food, and started to crawl, and is just getting so big now. Yes, that is baby food all over her face... I'm such a good dad, I take pictures when she gets food all over her face... hehe :)

Faith is 4 and a half, started going to preschool - and loves it, and is now playing soccer like her big sis. Look at that action shot from my cell phone.

A busy month of June

2009-07-11T10:58:00.000-07:00

I haven't updated in a while... I don't know what I did with the pictures from my parents stay in Mid-June, but I have a few from my mobile phone.

The stay with my parents was fun, we had a great time.

My dad and the girls in front of the USS Blue Back at Omsi

This is the girls in front of the screw (propeller) of the Blue Back that is set up for a memorial of all US Subs lost at sea.

We had a great time with my parents and really enjoyed their stay.

Later that month, I told the family we were going on a picnic in a surprise location... we went on a nice waterfall trip to see Multnomah Falls and the scenic gorge.

Multnomah Falls

I think that this pic Jodi took is just adorable of the girls looking at the waterfall.

My beautiful wife and baby at our picnic spot.

Seaside Beach and Camp 18

2009-05-25T22:11:00.000-07:00

After church, we decided to drive out to the beach. I really didn't want to since we had stayed up really late the night before and woke up early, but after the kids cleaned up a little around the house without complaining, I gave in.

It's about an hour drive to Cannon Beach and on our way we saw signs for both Cannon Beach and Seaside saying they were equidistant, but we didn't realize the traffic going into Seaside would be horrendous. I didn't want to drive in the traffic much longer, that and Hope wasn't happy, so we turned off the main road as soon as we entered Seaside. Surprisingly, we found a parking spot really close to the Ocean. After we got to the beach, I noticed that there had to be a couple thousand people up on the beach a mile down the way, so I guess it was good that we got off the main road a little early... thanks for crying babies.

Faith playing in the sand.

Faith giving me a smile

Grace Trying to Bury herself

Making her into a mermaid... again

We headed out looking for an Aquarium that was in the area, but couldn't find it. We started to get hungry, so we began driving out, but didn't see anything good. We drove back up 26 toward home, and thought we would stop off at this interesting spot we noticed on the way to the beach, called Camp 18. We get there and we ran into another couple from our church who said that Cannon Beach was also packed. We enjoyed a nice dinner, with fairly large proportions that were tasty as well. The price was a little steep, but I think it wasn't too bad compared to most restaurants, besides we were trying to have fun. We even ran into another family from our church on our way out the door... I guess everyone was going to the beach on this long weekend.

Enjoying some ribs... mmm tasty

It's done

2009-05-11T12:04:00.000-07:00

Here I sit on the couch hopped up on valium and vicodin, while my wife babies me. She wants to make sure I'm comfortable. She actually feels bad for me for some reason. I was happy to get the vasectomy, so that she didn't have to go through any surgery again. She has done enough as far as having the children, the least I could do was get a vasectomy. Jodi is so awesome. She bought me some video games and has been really concerned about me not doing too much as there have been some cases of men having continuous discomfort after vasectomies, so much so that sex is painful for them and not pleasant. Jodi doesn't want that to be the case for me. The biggest things the doctor told me to minimize complications was ice, rest and support. So, that's what I'm doing and Jodi is being great. I'm feeling a little nauseated, I don't know if it's from the vicodin or what, but I know that is one of the side effects of the drug. So far, so good as far as following the doctors orders. It takes 6-8 weeks for the reserves in my body to be depleted to ensure that I am sterile, but even then I have to be tested to be sure. I'm just glad that I don't have to do the deed at the hospital, because that'd just be weird.

Such a beautiful family

2009-05-03T18:32:00.000-07:00

A few pictures taken by a friend at church for us. They are so adorable.

my beautiful family
kid feet and baby feet, what's cuter?
my little girls

Train ride to Portland, the Saturday Market and Waterfront Park

2009-04-21T09:45:00.001-07:00

It was the girls' first train ride, and they enjoyed it. I saw a little into my future as we were sitting near 3 teenage girls who just rambled on non-stop.

Here's a picture of Jodi and Grace (Hope's in the sling).

We went to the Saturday Market (Although, it was Sunday) and walked around with some friends from California that were vacationing and up for a wedding in our beautiful little city. The Market had a fair-like atmosphere, all sorts of shops and people playing musical instruments, the best had to be the guy drumming on buckets, he had a crowd gathered around him.

We wandered around the market, grabbed some food, and headed for the waterfront park to sit and eat our gyros. The girls just loved Bob, the soon-to-be dad.

Faith trying to do cartwheels. Cute!

Grace giving me "the look"... I'm already worried.

Fish and Frogs

2009-04-14T20:33:00.000-07:00

On Monday, after my consult, I accompanied Jodi and Faith to Hope's 2 month check-up. Faith and I waited in the lobby where they had a little play area for Faith. Hope weighed in at 11 pounds and 23 inches long... a nice size. Faith got tired of playing and sat in my lap next to the aquarium and we watched the fish for quite some time. She had a lot of questions about their fins and gills, and what each one was... of course I knew a little, but not much. I told her we'd go look at some fish... we ended up buying 2 African Dwarf Frogs. They were just so darn cute and fun to watch that we added 2 frogs and 2 fish today... now have 4 African Dwarf Frogs, and 2 Harlequin Rasboras. Grace was a little emotional about the thought that one of the frogs might be stuck in the submarine, and when we went to look at the store she almost busted out in tears when little Nemo in the saltwater tank was being engulfed by an anemone and his brother was upside down getting sucked into the filter. It was endearing, yet a different experience... I'm glad I got them fish instead of a dog or something... I'm really not looking forward to any of our pets dying. The fish and frogs are doing well and it's a lot of fun to watch them swim around.

A Great Food Day... and Happy Easter

2009-04-12T22:59:00.000-07:00

The day started off similar to most Sunday's... with me wishing I could sleep in, but that's impossible with 3 girls. Hope was crying, and Jodi had spent a few hours in the middle of the night trying to get her to sleep, so she asked me to see if I could calm her down and let her rest a little bit. I changed Hope, and set her down in her chair so she could watch me make some breakfast. I started up a pot of coffee, and I began looking through the cabinets for something to eat. I noticed Jodi had a box of scone mix, and I looked on the side of the package; it said I could use it to make waffles, so I did. I threw some bacon on, and cooked up some omelette's and we had a great breakfast. It made me feel really good, when the girls told me how great the meal I had made them was. We were running a little late for church, but oh well.

On our way home, we realized we didn't have much as far as an easter meal was concerned, so we stopped off at Albertsons to pick up a few things. Jodi waited in the car with the girls while I ran in for supplies, I knew we at least needed a salad, mashed potatoes, ham or some type of bird meat, and rolls. I ended up buying a 5 lb whole young chicken and added eggs to my list, I don't think you can officially have Easter without those deviled eggs. I cleaned the bird out, and patted under the skin and all over it with with brown sugar and some salt and pepper and spices. I looked through the cupboards and I found some stuffing mix too. I love stuffing, it wasn't stove-tops, it was this crouton-like bag that you mix together with Chicken Broth and some spices and melted butter; I had never made it before, but everyone loved it, Faith even asked for more. I made a nice gravy for my mashed potatoes with the chicken broth, threw a salad together, had some deviled eggs, and we ended up having a great last minute Easter meal (took me 2 hours to cook it all)... and again my kids made me feel great by telling me how much they loved my food, Jodi too. Throw brown sugar on Ham or Bird meat and you can't really go wrong.

It was really nice to have such good food, and it helps that everyone loved it... especially the kids.

Vasect... o my!

2009-03-31T13:42:00.000-07:00

I made the call for my consult today, and I'm kinda freaked out about it. I'm done having children, I know that, but the thought of someone cutting me... there... freaks me out. If Jodi can have a baby without any drugs, I know I can do this (but I'm getting drugs).

More Beautiful Pictures of Hope

2009-03-11T16:59:00.000-07:00

More Pics

2009-02-24T22:15:00.000-08:00

The shot that every wife just has to take of Dad falling asleep with baby

At the Hospital with our beautiful family

Me and my 3 daughters

Faith, finally getting to hold her real baby sister Hope

Pics of the family

2009-02-21T11:16:00.000-08:00

For those of you who haven't seen the facebook photos or don't have a facebook account, I'm adding pictures and the short clip of Hope here for you

Little Hope Eliana in her momma's arms

The girls just love their new little sister

Faith has a new little baby doll she named Hope as well.

She's Here!

2009-02-16T11:30:00.001-08:00

Hope Eliana was born at 5:14 AM on the 16th, weighing in at 7 lbs 2.6 oz and 19 inches long.

On the day she was born, Jodi woke up around 3 AM, and started feeling contractions. Within an hour she had woken me up to tell me that her contractions were 10 minutes apart. We decided to get ready and take a shower, and before we knew it her contractions were really getting crazy and within 5 minutes of each other... forget trying to count how far apart they were for an hour, we jumped into the van and got to the hospital around 4:45 AM. They set us up in the exam room to make sure that we were actually ready to be admitted, it's pretty much standard procedure even though Jodi kept saying I'm feeling the urge to push. Jodi's contractions were pretty crazy at this point, and the nurses had her get gowned up and wait in the room for one of them to check her out. They found out she was fully dilated and the baby was ready to go, so they had us hurry into the real delivery room and within 6 minutes of the doctor showing up Hope was here, the nurses didn't even have time to put an IV let alone give her any drugs to ease the pain... Jodi is a trooper.

Another year down!

2009-01-03T07:15:00.000-08:00

It's crazy! As I get older, time just seems to fly by. I can't slow it down, I can't reverse it, but it just seems to be going faster and faster. In less than two months we will be having our 3rd kid, and I can't believe that day is almost here. My youngest is turning 4 this month, and as I looked through some old pictures, it just seems like it was yesterday they were babies... so of course let's reminisce, not just about last year, but about my kids growing up.

Grace in her Crib

Our friend Melissa holding Grace at the beach.

Grace and Ryleigh at the Pumpkin Patch

Faith in her Pooh Towel

My Grandma and the kids.

My Dad and Mom with the kids.

4 Generations

Grace and Faith with their cousins during the Fall of 2007

Jodi and Faith in the Summer of 2008

It's just crazy to see how these kids have grown.

I guess I'll just have to enjoy this time while they're young... cuz I'll be looking back shortly and thinking the sames stuff about Hope.

A long week

2008-12-14T17:47:00.000-08:00

A long week down... and now a nice little break to look forward to. I got home from work a little after 8:30 Saturday night. Thursday night, I was at work 'til 9. It was such a long week, and it just seemed to drag on. Usually when you are working on one project, time seems to fly by, but I have been working on multiple projects, and multiple other issues arose; I'm so drained.

Needless to say, we started watching Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian at 9 last night, which is over 2 hours long, so it was pretty late when I finally made it to bed. We woke up early to go to church, but saw that it was snowing. I checked my email and found out that my Greek Class had been canceled. We decided not to go to church, and I decided I would not go back to sleep... and hopefully I'll go to bed earlier tonight. We figured it wasn't a great idea to get on the roads, but we decided to let the girls go outside for a little bit and enjoy the snow. Of course we had to take a picture of them in the snow.

I thought that Jodi had made both of the hats for the girls... but she only made the one for Grace... I like that one better anyway. Aren't they adorable? The girls... although the hats are too.

So, I'm still tired. School has been canceled for Grace, at least for tomorrow, and I get the next 3 days off. I'm sure I'll have plenty of time to recuperate.

Good News!

2008-12-06T08:31:00.001-08:00

Jodi finally got her results back for her glucose test, and I guess the hospital must go by the 'no news is good news' policy, where they don't give you your results unless they're bad. I'm just so used to the military hospital where they call you up the next day or within a few hours and give you results. Granted the military doctors were probably not as good, but we had a share of good ones, especially the guy who delivered Faith... he was pretty awesome.

If you haven't figured it out, Jodi doesn't have Gestational Diabetes. This is good news, for Jodi and for the baby. Jodi had it with Faith, and was borderline with Grace, so we were worried that she may have it with Hope. Luckily this is not the case, not only because Jodi won't have to worry about her blood sugar levels and avoid all the sweet junk food, but there are different complications that it can bring about to the baby as well. It's just great not having to deal with all that.

Thanks for the thoughts and prayers.

how bout some more pics of the kids

enjoying the Bob the Builder Exhibit at the Children's Museum

Dad and Faith playing Little Big Planet (she loves that game) and Jodi bought the shirt for me, the words written on that shirt do not reflect my views and in no way shall I be held liable for your emotional state after you've read the shirt... clicking on the picture makes it larger.
(you clicked on it didn't you)

Future Alligator Dentist

Safety conscious

Water Fun

It's already December

2008-12-04T09:46:00.000-08:00

Man, time is flying by. In a few short months we'll be welcoming another life into this world. Jodi is already talking about diapers and baby supplies while the baby's room is coming together; it's exciting and scary at the same time. I'm going to have 3 little girls.

For now, I'm just trying to enjoy the time with my 2 precious little girls before the bundle of joy comes along. Jodi's parent's came down and visited with us this last Sunday to celebrate Thanksgiving with us, which went well. On Tuesday, we went to the Portland Children's Museum and had a blast. It's just amazing to see how kids can keep themselves entertained even when they aren't playing directly with one another, they tend to do their own thing, but just near each other. I don't know if it's the age difference or not, but Hope will be 4 years younger than Faith, so I wonder if they will tend to leave her out as they get older.

The kids having fun striking a pose

Christmas music.... aggh

2008-11-28T08:28:00.000-08:00

The day after Thanksgiving and they are already playing Christmas music on the radio. Don't get me wrong, I like Christmas, I celebrate Christmas, but I don't like a lot of the commercialism (paganism) added to the holiday such as the "Christmas" Tree, and good ol' Saint Nick, and I would prefer not having to listen to songs about it from the day after thanksgiving all the way up to Christmas. That's nearly a full month of Christmas music.... aaaaagh... luckily it seemed to be only a few stations that have already turned on their Christmas tracks. Bah Humbug.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-27T08:13:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!! I am working, well, technically. I am at work. Just wanted to wish everyone a happy thanksgiving. I hope it's great for everyone.

Video of the kids at the park off my mobile phone

2008-11-26T17:40:00.000-08:00

Faith on the swing... having a blast

Grace hiding from me... but still having fun.

What a day!

2008-11-24T23:35:00.000-08:00

Early on in the day, Jodi had to go get her glucose test at the hospital. Hopefully things are good and she won't have to take the 2-3 hour test, and hopefully she won't have Gestational Diabetes again.

Then we went to Taco Bell, and drove out to the Blazers and Kings game at the Rose Garden. See the pictures of us enjoying the game below.

Luckily the kids did well, and the Arena did a great job getting the kids into the game. They even brought out this huge balloon that Faith just loved. It was remote controlled and would drop gift cards down on the fans. By the 4th quarter, Faith kept asking me when the car was going to come back. Of course, it wasn't coming back, but she just wanted to see it again. Well, here it is flying above us.

I guess our church team isn't the only team that loses by one point. The Sacramento Kings who were getting beat pretty bad in the first quarter, then brought it back to within 4 by the half and then even had a lead, lost the game by 1 point. I've never been to a Kings game where they have actually won... I've went to one in Seattle, and now one in Portland, and 3 or 4 in Sacramento when I was younger, and they've lost them all. We still had such a great time, and I do like the Blazers too, I actually know more of their players now that the Kings have restructured the team. They still have Brad Miller, Kevin Martin, and Bobby Jackson, but that's it. I went to a Blazer game last year, and had pretty much front row seats, and other than Greg Oden as a starter the Blazers still have pretty much the same guys playing... so I wasn't too disappointed the Kings lost. At least every Blazer game I've been to, I can say that they've won every one. It's a good streak to have.

It was adorable to watch the kids clap and cheer, I don't think they knew who they were rooting for, but the feel of the crowd and arena really got them into the game... or at least made it seem that way.

You stink

2008-11-23T20:17:00.000-08:00

Well, that's what the wife said after I got home from my basketball game. She was talking about odor, not my play on the court which could have been better.

To start off the game, our team Captain for the day, made it a point for everyone to sub out for at least 10 minutes, which may have been a little much since we only had 7 players, but we each made a point to get off the floor at least twice. I felt like I was involved a lot more, and it was my best game yet, but it was all for not cuz we lost... and to make matters worse, the one point that we lost by was due to the last foul of the game that was on me.

I scored 9 points this game, which is my personal best (out of three games so far), but that last point just drives me nuts. The guy drove in on me, I was getting pushed in the back by another player, and he just kind of jammed himself under my arm, and hooked up under me with his arm, and jumped, but he got the call. Both teams were in the penalty and he only needed to make one of his free throws, to win them the game.

Oh well, even though we lost, I had a great time playing the game, and I really am just enjoying myself. I don't have a lot of free time, and rarely have free time to myself. Jodi has a few things she does during the week with other women, while I stay at home and watch the girls, so it's nice for me to get away, although, it would be nice if Jodi and I got away once in a while too.

Then I came home and watched Wall-E with the girls. Of course, they had already seen it, so they lost interest fast. But, it was nice that both Grace and Faith cuddled up with me during the movie, and Jodi fell asleep on the couch with us. Grace kept showing me her loose tooth, and Faith couldn't sit still for long. I liked the movie, and despite the lack of human characters in the movie until about halfway through it, I liked the characters and communication that occurred with the robots. It was a nice movie and I hope the girls like it, cuz before we rented (free rental), we bought it for them for Christmas... shhhh! don't say anything.

Christmas shopping

2008-11-22T10:13:00.000-08:00

The kids are getting older, Grace is losing interest in dolls, Faith says she wants everything, and somehow it's gotten really hard to shop for them. Hopefully they'll like what we got for them, and of course every kid needs clothes for Christmas, right? Needless to say, on Wednesday after we dropped the kids off for Awana's, we went shopping and did a little Christmas shopping. Money doesn't really go as far as it used to, as I looked at what we bought, I thought to myself, that's what $100 gets us. Of course, the wife went back to the store the other day and impulsively bought the cute "baby Hope" outfits and a few more for the other kids. It's good to say that, hopefully, our Christmas shopping is done... for now. Until after we get those nice little checks in the mail to buy more presents, but this time the kids will be able to pick out what they want... whew, what a relief. Who woulda' thought it'd be so hard to buy gifts for 6 and 3 (almost 4) year old girls?

Another day gone by

2008-11-18T18:58:00.001-08:00

We watched Kung Fu Panda last night with the girls. It was hilarious and had a good story to it. I found myself just bursting into laughter quite a bit, and if there was any bad stuff in it, I didn't really notice. It was such a great movie, for me and the kids, and just plain funny.

Tonight, I made pork with mashed potatoes and baked beans. It was kind of a simple little dinner, and with the exception of Faith everyone seemed to love it. Over the pork, I just used some Olive Oil and Balsamic vinegar, thyme and rosemary, then added liquid smoke, Worcestershire sauce, Red Wine, and on half I added some hot spices, Frank's Red Hot, and what I refer to as "rooster sauce," then grilled them up a little on each side and threw them in the oven. But, while I was cooking it in the oven to heat it thoroughly, I basted them with regular ol' Jack Daniel BBQ Sauce. Of course, I added some liquid smoke to the baked beans.

Update

2008-11-17T07:50:00.000-08:00

Wow, it's been a while since I've blogged and quite a bit has gone on, but nothing crazy.

A week ago both my kids came down with Strep throat, and I thought I was going to get it too and maybe even made myself feel a little sick... somehow. But, I never did come down with it.

Grace and Faith have really amazed me at their ability to memorize. They've been going to Awana's and they have memory verses that they have to recite and little Faith remembers almost all the verses she's memorized so far. We'll ask her what her verse is and she starts reciting a verse from a few weeks back, and then we'll say, "not that one," and then she'll recite the next weeks, and finally recite the one she needs for this week. Isn't that just amazing. Grace also has a small part in reciting a poem at school and she's got it memorized too. She said the poem to us in kind of a monotonous voice, then I asked her to add some feeling, and without hesitation she began rattling off the poem with feeling and then recited it again in a goofy voice, which reminded me of myself as a kid.

Not only is Grace doing well at memorization, but she's also doing pretty well at reading. It's so exciting to see her progress. She's at the point now where she can read to us at night before she goes to bed, and Faith likes to pretend like she's reading to us.

I love cooking, especially cooking any type of meat, and Jodi and I were watching a cooking show where they made Filet Mignon. I had mentioned I would love to try and make some one day, then the next day while I was at work Jodi bought some for me. I was so excited. After I got off work, I made it up and it was the best meat I had ever had. Ridiculously expensive, but ridiculously awesome.

On Sunday's at Church, I've been taking a class on Greek, where I've been learning a little bit about Greek and trying to understand Biblical Greek. There's so much to understand, but I'm really excited about what I've been learning about the Bible and Translation so far.

I've also been playing Basketball with a couple of guys from my church. The first game, my buddy Andrew and I were a little disappointed due to the amount of time that we were on the bench compared to other players. I guess it wouldn't have felt so bad had everyone on the team subbed off the floor at least once. This week was awesome because we only had 5 guys show up for the game, so I got play the whole game, and although I only scored 4 points, it was 4 more points than I scored last game and people actually passed me the ball this game, so I felt pretty good about it, which gave me the opportunity to make some assists as well.

After I came home from the basketball game, I was hungry. We had a little bit of steak (not filet mignon) left in the fridge and since it was getting late I figured I would have to spread it out a little bit and make dinner for everyone else too. I decided that I'd cut the meat up in pieces and dip them in a tempura batter and fry them up, kind of inspired by the Beijing Beef entrée at Panda Express. I made up a little sweet and sour sauce with pineapples and some rice and it turned out to be a pretty good meal; Grace even had seconds.

My Youngest and I

2008-10-11T09:14:00.000-07:00

I love my adorable children.

My Beautiful Daughter Loving Soccer

2008-10-05T18:43:00.000-07:00

Grace goofing around

About to kick the ball... look at that determination.

Grace Playing Soccer

Looking forward to Hope

2008-09-29T13:21:00.000-07:00

Baby Hope that is. Jodi says she can't wait for Hope to be born. Of course, I know that doesn't mean she wants to have the baby now, she's just excited. I am also excited for baby Hope, but it's nice to wait, and get prepared for having 3 kids. Really, who wants to rush that. Let's enjoy the time we have now with our 2 little girls and the peace and quiet, before it goes into crazy overdrive with 3 little girls.

This weekend we had the pleasure of having a few of our friends and their 2 adorable little girls visit us from Washington and hang out. They have a beautiful 5 month old, who just smiles at everyone, and it was nice to see a little baby face around the house again without having to change any of the diapers or do any of the dirty work associated with it. We had a great time hanging out with our friends this weekend, and now we are getting back to our busy lives.

I started up a Greek class at church that I'm excited about. I look forward to finally understanding Greek sentence structure and word meaning to gain insight about the bible that I've never had before. I mean, I've tried to understand the Greek in the bible... look at the blog on 1 Cor 7, and see my attempt at understanding Greek.

It's a ...

2008-09-22T18:05:00.000-07:00

Healthy Baby Girl

99.9% sure we're going with the name Hope Eliana.

Tomorrow's the Big Day

2008-09-21T22:24:00.001-07:00

We find out the sex of the baby tomorrow.

I'm not sure if I'm nervous or excited... I mean seriously what do I have to be nervous about.

This Week

2008-09-20T07:33:00.000-07:00

Monday, we find out whether we are having a boy or girl. I'm still not sure that if we have a 3rd daughter that I can, with good conscience, name her Hope. Seriously, think about it, Grace, Faith, and Hope... kinda cheezy, right, but right now that's probably the best name we have. I'm hoping for a boy, but I think all that Radiation from the nuclear reactor on the submarine must have destroyed all my boy swimmers... I guess that's what happens when you stand right next to the reactor. All joking aside. I'm excited to find out in just a few days, a little nervous, but excited. Right now, I call our baby both Hope and Ephraim or "little baby", and it will be nice to have a name to call her/him, and will let you all know shortly the name that I will continue to call the baby. I'm glad everyone is getting their guesses in now on expectnet... we have like 10 guesses now, and that is very cool. Keep your eyes peeled in the upcoming days. I'm so excited.

Soon, very soon

2008-08-28T22:00:00.000-07:00

... we get to find out whether we're having a boy or girl. A little less than a month, and now is probably a good time to get some wagers going... (the game is completely free) but might as well make them and see who is the closest.

To help make your guesses a little more edumacated...
Grace was 2 weeks overdue 8 lbs 6 oz and 21 inches long
Faith was 1 day over 8 lbs 5 oz and 20 inches long...

so make your best guesses people. Oh, and get the guesses in before we announce the sex of the baby, it's worth 500 points if you get it right.

Oscar Mayer

2008-08-21T14:44:00.001-07:00

The weinermobile was in town and we got the kids pictures taken... so cute.

Grace being a weiner

Faith didn't want to get her picture taken by herself.

Devotions with the Kids

2008-08-05T22:05:00.000-07:00

Today we decided to go back to doing a devotion with the kids. I'm not sure if we'll do this every day or once a week, because the kids seemed to lose interest pretty quickly. The devotion was about Jesus doing a very unbelievable thing and dying on the cross to pay the penalty for us, even though we are sinners. Then afterwards, Faith started asking me all sorts of questions about her Great Grandma dying (which happened a little less than a month ago, but I waited until the other day to tell them). It was interesting to see her think about these questions, I could see the little gears turning in her head as she tried to think about what she was asking, and it was kind of hard to answer them. She asked about the spirit, the brain, heaven, and our bodies, and man was I amazed at her thought process.

HB Picnic

2008-07-29T13:24:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I know it's Tuesday and the picnic was Sunday, but I finally got everything converted and posted. Here's the pics and video. If you missed it, it was a great time. I hope you like the pics and video.

Cole smiling for the camera... kind of.

Faith striking a pose.

Grace, showing off her cherries

Jaelle picking cherries, I think some made it in her mouth

Look at those dirty feet.

Andrew and Jenna

Angie and Izabell with her messy hands

Calvin, smiling for the camera after eating a few cherries.

Rachel with Anna sucking her thumb

Roy driving the kids around on the tractor

Ruthie happy in Hollie's arms

Brian lifting up Anna on his shoulders

Waiting for the trampoline to open up

Picking cherries from the truck... I'm sure it's safe. Chris is there to catch them.

Tarzan, I mean Roy swinging from a tree... scary

It felt cooler than it looks

So Exciting

2008-07-28T16:37:00.000-07:00

We went to the doctors today to hear the heartbeat... but we got to see the heartbeat. It was kind of a cheap little machine, but it was way cooler than just hearing the heart beat, we actually got to see the little baby's heart moving and beating, it was awesome. Here's a few pics of the ultrasounds.

We thought Jodi was 11 Weeks, but it looks as though the due date is Feb 15th, not the 14th, but I'm still saying Valentine's day is the due date.

Today's the day...

2008-07-18T07:03:00.000-07:00

that we've decided to finally tell everyone, well at least those that read my blog. Half of the world already knows - not really half, but half of the people we know. We initially were only going to tell our immediate family, but then Grace opened her mouth to the neighbors, so I figured a few neighbors knew that didn't already know, and I let it slip out. It didn't help that we bought a minivan. Of course, people would ask Jodi and she can't just lie to them, so those people also know. Jodi went to an appointment on Tuesday to hopefully hear the heartbeat and do some sort of ultrasound, while I stayed at home with the kids and watched Indiana Jones. My favorite of the Indiana Jones Trilogy (I guess now could be quardrilogy or tetralogy) is the Temple of Doom, but I let Grace pick, so we watched the Ark of the Covenant. We had planned to wait until the ultrasound to tell everyone, but it's been 9 weeks that she's been pregnant, so it's kinda hard to keep the news from everyone. One of the ladies at Jodi's bible study asked her if she was pregnant, and the word is out, so we've decided it's no longer a secret and we'd just tell everyone. I figured I would put it on here first.

If we have a boy, his name will be Ephraim, and if we have a girl her name will most likely be Hope, but we're still debating that one, since it might be kinda cheesy with 2 sisters, Grace and Faith. Boy or Girl I will be happy. Part of me wants a boy, but I'll be happy with whatever God graces me with.

Long weekend coming to an end

2008-07-16T15:42:00.000-07:00

It's been pretty hot every day, but we've made the most of it. We set the sprinkler up for the girls, we went out and played, rode our bikes, and even walked to the store. We rented some movies, did some lounging as well, in our somewhat nice 75-ish degree house along with fans blowing in our direction. My weekend comes to an end and now I'm looking forward to only having to work three days before another weekend. It looks as though, I may need to pick up one extra day, but I haven't really made a decision on that yet. One the guys on the other shifts, the guy that I used to work with needs someone to cover for him, and it looks as though I'm the only one that can do it. I'm not looking forward to splitting up my weekend like that, if I fill in.

I think I made some progress. I actually woke up last night at 3:30 and Faith wouldn't go back to bed. She is so determined. I would lay her down, and she would scream for mommy and come running out. I was hoping that I could take care of it without Jodi waking up, but after about 30 to 45 minutes, Jodi decided to succumb to the pressure and give in to Faith. Of course, once she came out Faith stayed in bed. I guess it's the mother's touch. Oh well, I'm used to it. At least Jodi let me sleep in. She's so great.

Yesterday was one of those days...

2008-07-15T13:33:00.001-07:00

where I failed at trying to be humble.

I was trying to let Jodi take a little nap, cause Faith and Grace have been waking up real early and waking Jodi up, and I slept right through it all. While watching, or more like supposed to be watching the kids, I was messing around on the computer or something, and before I knew it Faith had woken her up. I felt kinda bad, and didn't really want to admit that I was wrong when Jodi was upset with me. I remembered that I needed to be humble, but it was really hard to just apologize about something that seemed so menial. I realize that nothing is really menial when it comes to being humble nor is there anything small in a marriage. Of course, we worked things out, I guess it's "baby steps" for me, to lose the pride, even when something seems small.

Pride separates us from God (Ps 10:4), and just as easily will separate us from those around us. How can we have a successful relationship with our spouses if we're creating boundaries with pride? At least, I've succeeded in admitting that I need to be more humble... I don't know how far that gets me, but I'm trying.

Sunday, Went to Church... it's been a while.

2008-07-13T23:32:00.000-07:00

Today our pastor went over Romans chapter 12, can't remember the verses. But, the verses that impacted me the most dealt with pride and humility. Our pastor challenged us to try to improve within our lives one of the 18 different commands within the verses that we went over. I chose the one about pride, cause I know that's one of my weak areas. Not just admitting I'm wrong, and needing to be humble, but also along of the lines of not being conceited. Although, I think that it is applicable to multiple areas of my life, including my marriage. Pride can mean so many things and it covers so many aspects of our lives. It's my challenge to work on becoming a more humble husband.

Started the new Schedule... Digging it!

2008-07-11T13:57:00.001-07:00

So, I started the new schedule... you know the one I've been blogging about... the one where I get Sunday's off. Yes, that one. I'm liking it so far, so I hope I keep liking it. I like the guy I'm working with, and I like feeling like I have a little bit of responsibility. Plus, I'm looking forward to actually going to church this Sunday. Yipeee!

Vacation

2008-07-09T09:23:00.000-07:00

We just had a nice little vacation down in California with my family in the Placer County area. My parents flew in from Missouri and hung out for a week. Mostly we just lounged around and did nothing, but we got out and visited people here and there and made our stop at the In and Out burger joint. We bought a little pool for the kids and let them swim around, more like play, but they were like fish, in the water every chance they had. We had fun, but my dad wasn't too keen on the lounging around part, he likes to go places and drive around and see the sights (the burning fires or something). On the fourth, we walked about a half mile up to the cemetary, which had a nice clearing, to view the fireworks that the county was setting off that night. My kids had a blast and they really enjoyed their time with the family, so much in fact that they didn't want to leave.

Before we left, we made one last stop off at Aunt Heidi's (my sister's house) and made breakfast - French Toast, eggs and bacon. We played some games, including Guitar Hero: Aerosmith, which Grace beat her first song on the Medium difficulty level. We left a little after 1. On the way home, we stayed at a hotel with a swimming pool, and of course my fish of children swam it up as much as they could. Then we meandered our way over to the DQ and got hot fudge sundae's and ice cream cone's for the kids. We walked back and watched Scooby Doo with the kids before turning off the lights for the night in our cozy hotel room.

Finally, we made it home. A little dizzy from road travels with an upset stomache - Happy Anniversary to us. We were able to relax and watch a movie.

Cool New Bike

2008-06-22T18:01:00.000-07:00

Just a couple of days ago (or weeks, whatever), I blogged about Grace riding her bike, I stated that I knew what I needed to buy her for her birthday in just a few short months. And just today, a neighbor came by and asked us if we wanted a little girls bike, and of course we said, "Yes!"

Isn't that AWESOME. Grace thinks it is, and so do I. The bike is actually really nice too. The only negative is... I have to figure out what to get her for her birthday, man it was such an easy decision before... what to get, hmm, what to get.

Father's Day Weekend!

2008-06-18T21:52:00.000-07:00

Jodi's family came down to visit. On Saturday, Jodi and the girls gave me a cool mug and a Calvin and Hobbes comic (my favorite as a teenager). If you can't make out the words on the mug, it says, "you are the BEST DAD." Inside the cup it says, "We Love YOU!" with a smiley face, and on the other side Grace wrote, "I love you daddy," and Jodi painted it in for her. The cup is cool, so on Sunday, cause I'm still working Sundays, I brought it to work to show it off to all my co-workers. I start getting Sundays off starting the 9th of July. Needless to say, my father's day was great!

And, Earlier this week Grace graduated Kindergarten, which she was super excited about. Now she stays at home playing Guitar hero and Rock band, which she can beat songs on the guitar on the 'easy' level now, and I'm pretty proud of her on all of her accomplishments, especially her reading. She's beginning to really enjoy reading and just flying through books faster than we expected she would. Just a few months ago she started getting the hang of reading, and it's just so exciting to see her progress.

No pictures of this, but I can't forget the awesome BBQ Ribs that Jodi made for me. I threw them on the grill, but she did all the real work. She boiled them, which we've never heard of before... boiling ribs - hmm? And she made the sauce, I just threw them on the grill for 20 or so minutes and brushed them like crazy with her scrumptious sauce. Man, I love grilling.

I guess, I've been a little out of the blogosphere for a while

2008-05-31T22:16:00.000-07:00

Memorial day weekend we went to Cannon beach with some of our friends Jenna and Andrew. Andrew's sister and her husband came along as well, and we had a good time hanging out. Here's a pic of the kids and I enjoying ourselves at the beach.

Then later that evening we had some dinner with them back at their pad. After dinner us guys took to the kitchen and talked about almost everything, from dihydrogen monoxide, politics, religion, welding, electronics - almost everything. I didn't even realize how all over the place our conversations were until Jodi pointed it out to me later that night, but they all related. Think about it, dihydrogen monoxide is H2O (aka water for the chemically challenged), Penn and Teller did a show on getting hippie libs to ban water, which led us to the sheep in this world who will be voting for Barack Obama, then of course got us talking about the end of the world as we know it - see the connection there - needless to say, sometimes just talking with your peers is good, whether it makes sense to the outside listener or not.

Now, this week we had a nice little church get together with the other happy couples of our "Homebuilders" bible study group. I made some hot wings and some sweet & tangy wings for the party.

A few weeks ago Grace decided she wanted to try and ride a bicycle. I did everything I could to be the Dad and push her along and let go, but she wanted nothing to do with it. "Fine," I said thinking that she would just give up, but I was wrong. She borrowed other children's bikes up and down the street and now she's a pro... well, a very good novice.

Anyways, check out this short clip of her really pedaling, and I can't even say I helped. She's such a determined little girl. She's also reading really well too. I'm so proud of my little girl.

I guess I'll have to get her a bike now, of her own.

Fun Weekend, but I Need Another

2008-05-13T13:58:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, as many of you may know, we came up to Washington to visit some friends and family. I thought Jodi had everything planned out, as we were coming up for her to spend time with her mother on Mother's day weekend, for our neices birthday, and for a friend's baby shower party. But, things weren't really planned out, and it almost seemed like I had no idea what was going on from hour-to-hour and neither did my wife. Needless to say, I was able to fit time in for me, so I could chill out a little and get away from the chaos of living with the in-laws for the weekend, watching other people's kids, cooking up dinners, sleeping in someone else's bed, and all the other stuff that make not being at home hard and tedious. Needless to say, it was good to see everyone and visit with friends and family, but I need another weekend, and luckily for me, mine starts today. I'm still feelilng kind of under-the-weather, so hopefully I will be able to recouperate over the weekend and get back to one-hundred percent before next week.

A Possible New Schedule

2008-04-28T18:05:00.000-07:00

There's more to this story, but the gist of it is that I'm trying to shift schedules at work. Right now, I work Sunday's and I would like to get Sunday's off. Partially, I want more responsibility and I want to go to the church I feel the most at home. At work, I think that I know enough now where I can run a shift, be in charge of the day-to-day operations, and answer to Intel; we call this guy "The Lead". So, basically I would become "The Lead" of this other shift and I would have one guy under my cognizance. No huge step, but I think it's something that I need, so that I feel like I'm going somewhere and progressing within my company. So, now that I've explained the concept of the lead, I can finish my story. Right now, I feel as though my lead still treats me as a trainee, and for me to really make my move within this company and industry and be recognized for my talent and ability, I have to step up to the plate. I'm not looking forward to the schedule change with the exception of getting Sunday's off, because now I will work every Friday and Saturday... ugh! But, I am looking forward to a change in roles, and a different atmosphere on a new shift. I realize that this new position is not a big deal in the eyes of the management of my company because it's not even really considered a leadership position, but I think it will help me progress and learn as now I will be the guy that Intel and my company will look to for answers. I'm also excited about going back to church, especially after going to SWHBC for only six months and then trying to find another church that met on Saturday's only to realize that I couldn't find anything that fit my needs and style of learning and worship as well as SWHBC could. I'm truly looking forward to Worship and Fellowship at my church.

Finally, Back to a "Normal" Schedule

2008-04-27T17:55:00.000-07:00

As normal as only having to work 6 days out of the next 14 days can be. My oldest daughter, Grace, had a play for kindergarten, that I was able to make it to, where she was one of the little piggies. I was surprised at how well she did in front of all those people.

Friday night, I had a couple of guys come over and Jodi and I made some finger foods... some ridiculously spicy hot wings, cream cheese and chive wontons, artichoke - they don't seem like they go together, but they were so good. Then we played Rock Band.

Then on Saturday we went to cannon beach... possibly more video to come. We had a great time.

Haven't blogged in a while

2008-04-20T09:10:00.000-07:00

Yeah, so I haven't blogged in a while. I've been kinda busy lately, putting in over 60 hour weeks and just trying to enjoy the time I have off with my family. I'm not complaining, and I've done worse for longer, but I'd rather give up my time on the computer for my wife and kids. Needless to say, I am at work now, and have a little bit of time to spare.

Things are going well. The job is going well, I just got another raise, and I'm excited about that, especially since I previously had mixed feelings about my place in the company.

This is about no one in particular, but even speaking to some of my married non-Christian friends and some Christian ones, they say to me that people can fall out of love, or there's no reason to stay married to someone if that person makes you unhappy. I've also heard many people on the verge of leaving their spouse say, that they've never loved their spouse, or there was always some doubt in their mind that this was the right person for them and point back to how they met or the situation that somehow "forced" them to marry. They've even said, "How is it that there is only one person in the whole world that you are meant to spend your whole life with, and what if I chose the wrong one?"

It is my belief that these people are lying to themselves. Why would they lie to themselves? They want to make their actions not wrong, relieve some of their guilt on their consciences for their decisions, and just make excuses for giving up. We try to explain love away as a feeling, but love is not a feeling; love is patient, love is kind, love is a lot of things, but it's not something that fades away over time. You love your kids (if you have them), and you don't fall out of love with them, but somehow you've fallen out of love with your spouse.

That feeling you have that you call 'Love' is probably not love, most likely not even lust, it's you trying to come to terms with your state of emotions and you are calling it love. You are unhappy, or depressed, or maybe you bicker and complain with your spouse a lot, and this unsettled state of emotions is what you claim is "not in love". That feeling is your excuse to say that it's okay for you to give up. It's so easy to start to believe these excuses, making it all the easier to give up on your vows to God, your spouse, and your families. Marriage is hard, it takes work, and it's always easier just to give up. Don't start believing that divorce is your only option; it's better to not even think of it as an option. Once you start tricking yourself that you never "loved" your spouse, that option becomes your main one. It's all physics from there, you know, "the path of least resistance."

Mark 10:

1 Jesus then left that place and went into the region of Judea and across the Jordan. Again crowds of people came to him, and as was his custom, he taught them
2 Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?"
3 "What did Moses command you?" he replied.
4 They said, "Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away."
5 "It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law," Jesus replied.
6 "But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.'
7 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife,
8 and the two will become one flesh.'So they are no longer two, but one.
9 Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate."
10 When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this.
11 He answered, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her.
12 And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery."

I think that there are instances in which divorce is an option and 1 of them is listed in the bible, which is adultery. In my personal opinion, if your spouse beats you, or hurts you or your children, that is also a permissable reason for divorce, or at least a reason to put your spouse in prison for a long while. For most other issues, help should be sought out, counseling, whatever means necessary to hold fast to your marriage and determine the root cause for your state of being that you think is the loss of love toward your spouse. Remember a marriage is 100-100, not 50-50. You need to give your all, and yes, sometimes it's difficult when your spouse is not giving their all, but you can't give up. Open lines of communication by both parties will help in the process. It takes a long time to build on trust and only a moment to break it down. Remember you and your spouse are one, don't forsake the members of your body, they must be fed and nourished and taken care of; don't neglect your spouse, your children, or your marriage.

Fun Times

2008-03-30T09:15:00.000-07:00

I love my kids, and I try to enjoy as much time with them as I can. One day, I know that they will probably not want to spend as much time with me and I will probably get on their nerves, so I am glad that we had some fun times together over the past week or so. We went out to eat, we went for a nice little drive, and the next day we went bowling and shopping. Initially Faith seemed to be having a fun time bowling, but by the second game she was bored and tired. However, Grace enjoyed herself throughout. I got a kick out of the expressions on her face and her excitement, especially when she bowled her first strike - the ball didn't even hit the bumpers. I hope that when my kids get older they won't be like I was; once I hit 16 or 17, I never wanted to do things with my dad. I can't explain it, but I know quite a few teens go through that, and I just hope my kids will still want me around. Grace is growing up so fast, and Faith is right on her tail. I guess I just have to enjoy life while I can.

Yeah!

2008-03-17T18:51:00.000-07:00

I hope everyone had a good Easter, I know I did. I got to hang out with friends and family. I didn't get to go to my old church, but I was able to attend church none-the-less, so it wasn't that bad. Needless to say, I wasn't a big fan of my old pastors sermons anyways, I was able to get a little bit out of the sermon from my in-law's church, not much, but it was alright. I also made a kickin' Ham that used beer (Hefeweizen again, but this time Widmer's) if you're interested I'll send you the recipe. Then I had a great chat with my wife's family right before we drove back home.

Then I show up to work and find that not only did my tax return show up in my bank account, I got paid, and received a nice little bonus from my employer (that everyone received, not a personal bonus)... sweeeet! I'm excited. Then we get that whole economic stimulus thing... I might be able to afford that carpet after all or get those cabinets.

Is it Better Not to Marry?

2008-03-10T22:00:00.000-07:00

In 1 Corinthians 7, it is said that Paul says it's better not to marry or it's good not to marry, but why would he say such a thing? Better yet, did he say such a thing?

The Greek used here in verse 1 that has been translated in the NIV as "to marry," actually refers to touch (this exact form of the term is only used in Luke 6:19 where it actually refers to the multitude trying to touch Jesus), but the NIV has translated it as "better not to marry." The ESV translates the last part of verse 1 as "It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman." The KJV translates this, "It is good for a man not to touch a woman." (Download a free Interlinear Scripture Analyzer) I don't want to argue translation, but I think that there is more going on here than just saying it's better for people not to marry. Paul goes on to say that due to all the fornication, adultery, homosexuality (sexual immorality - porneia in the Greek) that each man should have one wife and each woman one husband. This second verse and on is the obvious answer to the question posed in the first verse "Now for the matters you wrote about...", but it is my belief that this question was most likely regarding sexual immorality, as this was a huge problem at this time in Corinth (see chapter 6), rather than the issue of not getting married, but I'm no expert of the Greek Lexicon.

Paul continues on and begins to talk about sex within the marriage, that it should be mutual and somewhat often, due to a lack of self-control and temptation. I believe that self-control is the real issue at hand here and temptation and self-control are mentioned at least 5 times throughout the chapter and 4 of them are in the first half. Continuing on, Paul says in verse 7, "I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another." Some have taken this to mean that I wish that all were unmarried as he is, but how does that relate to his gift. This does not directly say, "I wish that all were not married," this is referring to his gift of self-control. Marriage is a gift from God, Paul is not saying that refraining from marriage is a gift. He had a special gift, he was able to abstain from sexual immorality without burning passions; he had self-control, which is what he is referring to in this chapter. Not everyone has that gift, we each have our own gifts.

Each of Paul's letters were written to a specific group of people at a specific time with certain issues and problems. The Corinthians were struggling with sexual immorality. Some of the problems included marriage and divorce, which Paul specifically addresses in this chapter, "10 To the married I give this command (not I, but the Lord): A wife must not separate from her husband. 11 But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. And a husband must not divorce his wife." We know that according to the bible that if you divorce and remarry that it's considered adultery, but the big point here was not to divorce at all.

James 1: "16 Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. 17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change." Marriage is a gift from God and this gift is perfect because marriage of man and wife are modeled after God's perfect love for the Church, therefore God would not tell us that it is better not to marry, unless there were certain circumstances.

Verse 26: "Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are." If you are married, stay married, if you are not, don't get married. This is again not speaking against marriage. There was a "crisis" at this time; churches were being persecuted, people being persecuted for their beliefs. A married man would be worried about his wife and family and "worldly things" in these times of persecution and distress, rather than the Lord's affairs (Look at 1 Cor 7:25-28). Paul wants the people of Corinth to be "free from anxieties" (v. 32) that marriage would cause, the problems they would have to face, as we all know marriage is not easy, and I'm sure this would be amplified in these times.

It may have been at that time better not to marry, and at some other times in history this may have also been the case as well as some point in the future, but there is no reason to refrain from marriage through an oath of celibacy, or require anyone to do so. 1 Timothy 4:2-3 speaks against these hypocritical teachings that come from deceiving spirits and demons.

So, it is biblical to get married, and marriage is something that God created and intended from creation of man and woman. But, in some cases it may be beneficial to not marry, but in no way is it required or commanded by God, ever. However, this decision to not marry should fall in the hands of the individual through much prayer and study, and should also be based on their ability to abstain from sexual lusts and desires. Remember, even thinking lustful thoughts is considered adultery, so if you cannot abstain from said sexual desires, you should marry. In the NIV, Paul says, starting at the second half of verse 8 toward the unmarried and widows "...I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." In the KJV, "I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I," which is talking about them "abiding" and not giving in to their lustful desires, rather than his position on marriage.

Being married is a blessing, but it brings on additional turmoil that can be hard on Christians in their walk with God, and can add to a couple the additional pressure of providing for family, needs, shelter, and other concerns.

Read the English Standard Version or KJV or NASB and some others, and I believe that you will get a better understanding of what Paul is actually saying in this chapter. I have no issue with KJV, NIV, ESV or any other version, but I think that some things are not always as they seem in any version. If you have a better understanding or more insight, please feel free to comment and correct me, because that's what we are instructed to do. Matter of fact, if you read it, just tell me what you think or what you liked or disliked.

Love Your Spouse

2008-03-10T08:22:00.000-07:00

Ever wondered what it means to love your wife like Christ loved the Church? It's a little more than just a sacraficial love.

Ever wondered what it meant or questioned the idea of wives being submissive to their husbands. It's more than what you might think.

Check out this page on the wonderful description of exactly that. It's eloquently described, and beautifully expounded upon.

Check it out.

Tax Time

2008-03-05T23:03:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I've had all my important tax forms ready for at least a month, but today I just found the strength to get started on my tax return. I knew that there would be no way that I would get over $7000 back like I did last year... that was just a fluke due to some crazy taxes on a bonus I received and selling my house. And, now that I'm out of the military this year, I was sure that I would have to fork over some dough to the IRS.

Anyways, I had never really had problems trying to figure out capitol gains on the buying and selling of stocks, until now. One of my stocks split, then that company was bought out, the buying company set up a deal that gave me a little more than half of the worth of my stock in cash and the other portion in shares of their companies stock. This wouldn't have been too hard, but the deal left me with a partial share of their stock, and since you can't have those, of course, my brokerage company sold it. This meant that I had to figure out my cost basis on the stock that was bought out for the $300 or so and stock, and the cost basis of the nearly six-tenths of a share of stock... and the worst part was I had to split it into 3 separate transactions because I had bought 4 of my 10 shares less than 1 year ago. Mannnnnn! I've never been so frustrated, and I didn't even sell any stocks for this reason, but somehow I get stuck figuring this junk out, yet again. I'm so glad I paid some attention in my Accounting class in college, the whole FIFO thing wasn't difficult to understand.

At least it's all over, and I'm getting a rebate. I found out that my refunds were high while in the Navy because I must've forgotten (or they forgot) to update my W-4 after I got married, so they kept taking out a cubic truck-load of taxes because they had me as single, then I would get most, if not all of it, back come tax time. Now, I've got my deductions up-to-date and I'm glad that I get a little money back... plus don't forget that nice little rebate in May... sweet!!! I might actually do what the government wants me to do with the rebate check and put it right back into our economy, we really need new carpet, or fix our deck, or fix the heating/cooling, or you get the picture, but we'll see. Anything can happen.

What God Says About Homosexuality

2008-03-04T18:09:00.000-08:00

Hey, I was perusing the internet and I found a link from a site that had one of my pastor's sermons on it (it just so happens I found a link to it via a blog now listed first under Blogs of Interest to the right over there... down a little... there you go). He's really good, this one's okay and has a lot of good points in it, it is on Homosexuality, but touches on God's design, idolatry, and sinful desires, if you have 30 or so minutes available it's worth a listen.

http://www.evangelical.us/homosexuality/what-god-says-about-homosexuality.mp3

Follow these links if you don't have a bible ready and you want to follow along.

Romans 1:
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans%201&version=31

1 Corinthians 6
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=53&chapter=6&version=31

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition

2008-03-02T20:49:00.000-08:00

First of all, I don't usually watch this show, and you're probably wondering how this will fit into marriage, but it does.

I came home from work today and Jodi had the show on, so I started watching it. I usually hate this show, cause there's always crying people, and I don't know what it is about crying people, but why would I want to watch that? Well, needless to say, I was actually interested (people crying and all). They had a an Army person who has been serving over in Iraq for our country. Well, you're probably thinking "yah ... there's thousand of guys over there, and tons of them have families and issues at home, why is this guy getting a huge house over everyone else," but still it was awesome to see this story of appreciation toward those that serve.

Toby Keith came on and sang, "American Soldier," to a bunch of army men and women. Every time I hear that song it really gets to me. I can't really consider myself a soldier, but I did serve my country, and the song has always given me that little lump in the back of my throat out of the respect behind the words. If you didn't know, I was in the Navy for 9 years. While listening to the song, I start thinking about this guy having to go back to Iraq under intense conditions. Then I think about his wife and family and the other soldiers' wives and families, it gets me to think about the sacrifice of soldiers every day, which is why I love that song. Toby Keith understands, maybe not through personal experience, but he understands how much military personnel must sacrafice for their country, the sweat, the tears, and the hard work. "Freedom don't come free," that's for sure Toby.

I also have a lot of respect for the military wives. It's not just the soldiers that have the hard job, but the wives who keep order and are basically a single parent for 3 months, 6 months, a year or longer. They have to worry about their children and their husband off at war. Luckily, when I was in the military, the longest I had ever been away from my wife and kid (only had one kid at the time I was on sea duty) was a little over 3 months, but I know it was still hard on her, and I respect her for that. But, I also knew that I couldn't make Jodi go through that again or for much longer (which is part of the reason why I'm no longer in the military); it's very stressful and hard on a marriage. I'm glad that there are people serving our country and continue to do so, and it was cool to see this story and the appreciation shown to these soldiers who have been at war, who continue to fight for you and for me despite the stress it puts on them, their home life, and family life. To everyone who has ever served, Thank You!

Remember Your Vows

2008-03-02T08:53:00.000-08:00

You probably said something along the lines of "for better or worse, in sickness and in health," and this is pretty much all encompassing, whether you think you "fell out of love" or not. There are reasons that God says that it's okay to break these vows, but other than that, that vow that you made is binding between you and your spouse and God.

Read Judges 11 about Jephthah and his vow. He kept it. Don't make vows unless you intend on keeping them. Ecclesiastes 5:4-6 "When you make a vow to God, do not delay to fulfill it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to make a vow than to make one and not fulfill it. Do not let your mouth lead you into sin." Making a vow of marriage is a big deal, and so is breaking it. Even Jesus speaks against making oaths and Divorce in Matthew 5.

When you break a vow, you become a liar. God can and has dealt harshly with liars... not to mention it's a sin to lie as well. Think about the story of Ananias and Sapphira in Acts 5. They were husband and wife that were members of a congregation of believers that shared their possessions. They even went as far as selling property and giving the money to support the needy. There were no needy in this church, they shared everything they had. That's one great example of community right there. God doesn't expect us to become socialist nations or anything, nor to go to this extent, but this is extreme brotherly love in action to give us an example of sacrifice for one another. Needless to say, Ananias and Sapphira, husband and wife conspired together to sell their property and claim that they were giving it all to the church, but hold some back for themselves. The Greek used here for "kept back" means to purloin or steal. You would think that this is their money and they can do with it how they want. That would be true if they didn't make a vow to God to give all the money to him. Read here from Acts 5.

3Then Peter said, "Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heart that you have lied to the Holy Spirit and have kept for yourself some of the money you received for the land? 4Didn't it belong to you before it was sold? And after it was sold, wasn't the money at your disposal? What made you think of doing such a thing? You have not lied to men but to God."

The obvious explanation for why they would be confronted would be that they had to have made a vow to God to give it all - they used to call this Corban, setting apart something for God. Ananias and Sapphira died within 3 hours of each other. Pretty harsh punishment for breaking a vow. Imagine how that could have torn the early churches apart if God didn't harshly punish embezzlers, liars, and thiefs working within the church. God considers vows a huge deal, and they should be to you. Don't give up on your vows. Don't lie to God.

It would be nice...

2008-02-26T17:04:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I think to myself it would be nice to win a million dollars, and I think about earning $50,000 a year in interest and just living off of that and the great things that I could do. I sometimes imagine ways to earn more money or some scheme, but I realized that all that is greed. Greed is Idolatry.

Hebrews 13:5 "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.' 6 So we say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?' "

So, it reminds me that even though it would be nice to come accross a couple mil, God will never leave me and never forsake me. I'm happy and content with what I got... sometimes it's nice to dream, but I guess there is a point where dreaming becomes idolatry and greed.

This Weekend

2008-02-24T09:38:00.001-08:00

This weekend was my 4-day weekend. Thursday, I took Faith to the park while Jodi was at school helping out in Grace's classroom. We had a good time, and Faith gained the courage to climb accross these poles with bases on them all by herself. Now, it's her favorite thing to do. One of my buddies just got back from Kuwait or Iraq, he's going through a divorce and he only has his kids once every other weekend. He's originally from near where I live and he came down to visit his family, and he and his 3 kids and mine all got together and went to the park together. The kids had a lot of fun together. Jodi made all of us lunches of sandwiches, yogurt, and snacks and brought them out to the park - she's such a great wife. It was a good time for all of us. Then we went back and I made some chicken wings for a party we were having with our Bible Study Group. I'm glad some people liked them cause I was afraid I would be stuck with 30-40 hot wings that probably only I would eat. Jodi and I had a babysitter and it was kinda nice to get out together without the kids. Grace and Faith are so good for babysitters, they just love em. The party was a lot of fun too, since I usually work on Sunday, I got to hang out with the guys and gals from our Homebuilders group and we played games, which I won a $10 Starbucks gift card and a free movie ticket... AWESOME!!!

Hefeweizen Steak Marinade

2008-02-21T14:50:00.000-08:00

I was doing a little research trying to come up with a marinade for grilling my steaks. I found one recipe that had the steaks soak in beer for an hour. I also found another that used lime juice to help tenderize the meat. I figured since I had Hefeweizen that I would use lemon - cuz that's what I drink it with. This was probably the juiciest, tastiest steak I've had in a long while.

Ingredients that I used:
Steak about 1 inch thick
1 bottle of Henry Weinhardt's Hefeweizen
Lemon Juice or a Lemon
Extra Virgin Olive Oil
3 tbsp Brown Sugar
Sea Salt (Use a coarse salt or else it will dry out your steak)
Montreal Steak Seasoning
1 Pinch Italian Seasoning (mix of spices)
Butter (I used "Can't believe its not butter made with Olive Oil")

So, I marinated the steak in beer in the fridge for one hour. I added Lemon juice after the hour and let it sit for 30 more minutes in the fridge to work on tenderizing the steak. I drained out the beer and coated the steak in a thin layer of Extra Virgin Olive Oil and rubbed it into the steak. In a separate dish, I mixed 3 tablespoons of brown sugar, sea salt, Montreal steak seasoning and a pinch of Italian Seasoning. I patted that mixture into the steak and rubbed it in. I let the steak sit for 30 more minutes. I started up the grill and heat it up to 450-500 F. When I made it, I stuck the steak on the upper portion of the grill, because we had a little bit to wait for our baked potatoes to cook, I flipped the steak over after 10 minutes. After another 10 minutes, I opened up the grill and lowered the heat and allowed the steak to sit right above the flames for 5 minutes on each side. After that was all over, I brought the steak in and put it on a plate, put a teaspoon of butter (made with Olive Oil) on top, covered it with aluminum foil, and allowed the steak to sit in its juices for 10 minutes. The rest of the dinner finished right on time. The juiciest and tastiest steak with potatoes, and asparagus and it was awesome.

Today, I sliced up the leftover steak into thin slices. Sprayed some Olive Oil into the pan and heated it up over medium-high heat. After the meat was good and hot, I threw on some Mozzarella cheese and served it on bread with mayo. What a good steak sandwich... of course you could add onions and bell peppers for a Philly cheese steak, but I didn't have that stuff.

To Have More Kids or Not to Have More Kids

2008-02-19T15:19:00.000-08:00

What is it about us men that make us so indecisive about having children or more children? I wasn't sure when to start having children with my first, I wasn't sure when to have another, and now I'm still not sure if I want a third. But, there was a time when my wife and I tried for a third. What has changed since then? Why has my outlook changed?

Before my wife and I got married we discussed our goals and dreams, and for some reason I envisioned having 3 children. That dream also included some sons. I am completely happy with my two daughters, but a small part of me still wants a son. I have no control over whether I have a boy or not, although they claim its up to the man it's really up to God. I am a little hesitant to try for a third child, because I don't need a son to be happy, but I would like a son.

Do I want a third child? What if I have a girl? I need to think and I don't know why men like me are so hesitant on having a child.

What are your thoughts? Help me if you can.

Looking Forward to My Next Weekend

2008-02-18T14:17:00.001-08:00

My wife went on a women's retreat with our church. That meant it was just me and the kids at home. I wasn't really looking forward to my wife being away for 2 nights and 3 days, but it made me realize how important my time really is with my children. I really enjoyed myself; we went to the park, we went out for pizza, played together, read stories, and watched movies. I'm just glad the weather allowed me out of the house almost the whole weekend, or I may have been pulling my hair out trying to entertain my kids in the house. I even had time to do some chores, make meals (other than pizza and Mickey D's), and all the other stuff parents have to do for their children. I gained some respect for my wife and especially for those single parents out there that have to deal with taking care of their children on their own. I think that up until now I didn't realize how unmotivated of a dad I have been, not that I don't do fun things with them, it's just that all-too-often I expect my wife to take care of a lot of things that I should be doing as well, and I really hope that I can take this lesson and apply it to my life to become the father and husband that I should be. I'm looking forward to my next weekend so I can hang out with my kids some more.

Marriage Without Regrets

2008-02-15T21:19:00.000-08:00

My wife is going through a study with women from our church using the book and study guide for A Marriage Without Regrets by Kay Arthur. I've only read parts of the book, you know the parts that my wife made me read, but those parts were insightful. The important part is that this book and study has been doing wonders for my wife and her attitude and behavior within our marriage. I'm amazed at the way she's been working to please me and in-turn has sparked that same sort of passion in me. If you've read the book or your spouse is reading it, let me know how it has affected you and your marriage.

5 Ways to Bring Sexy Back

2007-12-23T09:19:00.000-08:00

Sorry for ripping off your title JT.

Has your sex life with your spouse dwindled down to a dull roar? Does the idea of sex with your spouse give you a "headache"? Here are 5 ways you can bring "sexy" back into your marriage.

1) Entice your spouse: Leave notes, whisper in your spouses ear how much you want them, and show affection through touch. Men are like light switches when it comes to getting turned on, but your wife needs a little bit more 'umph'... like a lawn mower on a cold day, she takes a little bit to get going. So, get the thought into your spouses head early in the day and keep it going til she's ready for some loving.

2) Have dates: Try and have time together (without the kids) where you and your spouse can date again. Go out to dinner or watch a movie and make it nice. All too often we get into the routine of going out to dinner with the kids in our blue jeans and calling that a date... it's not. Dress up, get your hair done, get your spouse flowers, wear sexy underwear... whatever. This is a date with the love of your life and make it good and keep in mind step 1 during the date (don't fight or argue, keep things calm, this is a date).

3) Get in shape: Get a gym membership, elliptical, treadmill, Pilate's, whatever... but start working out and it's amazing how much more attractive you begin to feel and look. Become more confident in yourself and it will do wonders for you with your spouse. If your spouse is working out, take notice and compliment them.

4) Show Affection and Appreciation routinely: Buy/pick flowers, buy/make a card, give your spouse a call from work. Let your spouse know that you love them. Tell them they're beautiful/handsome and remind them how great they look and how much they turn you on. Thank them for what they provide and bring to the table.

5) Communicate and Respect your spouse: Let them know your desires and try to spice things up a bit and let them know how you feel. Foreplay is important; you should be comfortable enough with one another to really communicate and improve your love-life by working together to satisfy each other, but respect each other when it comes to boundaries. Remember, Love is not self seeking, nor does it delight in evil, so never do or expect something that would cause you and your spouse to stumble in your walk with God (1 Cor 10, 1 Cor 13).

Remember, these are all things to consider with your spouse and not all inclusive, as I am assuming that your sex is dwindling due to time and not infidelity or other medical problems. If you are having other types of issues seek medical help or advice from counselors or pastors.

5 Levels of Needs

2007-12-18T16:24:00.000-08:00

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs Abraham Maslow, Motivation and Personality, 2nd ed., Harper & Row, 1970

In many of my blogs I mention fulfilling your spouses needs, and how communication, intimacy, affection, affirmation are all basic needs of your spouse. In my years going through communication, psychology, and organizational leadership training and classes, I've come across Maslow's Hierarchical needs on many occasions. How is this important to a marriage? People must have certain needs met, and part of your job as a spouse is to help your partner meet those needs. The above diagram is how I remember seeing it for the most part, but it has since expanded into 8 needs, but we'll stick to the 5 basic needs. The idea behind the pyramid is that the lower level needs must be fulfilled or our focus will be diverted to fulfilling them while forgetting about any levels above. This can be a problem in a marriage, especially since the need for love and relationships is on level 3 of the pyramid.

Level 1: Physiological Needs - These include hunger, thirst, sleep, and air, which are all basic needs that we need to survive. Sex has been added between the 1970 picture that I have shown and now, since it is now seen as a basic and necessary need and not just a desire. Obviously, the first set of needs are being provided by you working and "bringing home the bacon," but sex is just as basic of a need that is necessary to a persons essential being, (however not essential to living, it has shown health benefits) and plays an integral role in satisfying the basic needs in a marriage. Another aspect of physiological needs can be finances. To satisfy your hunger, thirst, and sleep areas of this need, you will need to ensure that provisions are in order and that the fear of losing the fulfillment of this need is not a problem. Sit down with one another and work out a budget, minimize spending, and get help if necessary, or this will be the only need on your mind until you get a little more stability in this area.

Level 2: Safety Needs - Your partner also needs some sort of security needs met, which can include physical security, but your spouse also wants to feel safe with you, and remain in a safe environment when you are together. If you remove them from a safe environment or make them feel unsafe when you get angry, you are taking away this basic need in their life. If you are having problems with a spouse that makes you feel unsafe, please get help (Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) and if you are immediate danger dial 911). For further information visit http://www.ndvh.org/. If you live in a bad neighborhood, maybe installing an alarm system could help you feel safe and satisfy that need.

Level 3: Social Needs - You and your partner need to communicate with one another, but this also includes intimacy and affection as I've mentioned this in a previous blog. It's also important that you create contact, and show affection such as hugging and kissing. Your spouse needs to feel wanted and desired and that he/she belongs with you and that you belong with them. Your spouse needs an outlet, and it is best for your marriage if you provide them that basic need of conversation and affection within your marriage.

Level 4: Esteem Needs - This is where the mutual edification comes into practice that I mentioned in this blog under point number 3. This also includes recognition, which means more than just saying "Thank You", but showing true appreciation for what your spouse brings to the proverbial table. Your spouse also needs to know that you are attracted to them, that you think more of them than someone who makes the money, watches the kids, or takes out the trash to name a few.

Level 5: Self Actualization - In the final level of the pyramid, you and your spouse are able to realize or actualize their dreams. The idea is that need levels 1 through 4 have to be met prior to you and your spouse seeking to meet this highest level need. According to http://www.businessballs.com/maslow.htm only 2% of the worlds population ever attain this level. Don't hold your partner back from acheiving their dreams, so you must fulfill their basic needs first.

5 Important Aspects of Communication

2007-12-17T13:53:00.000-08:00

I've mentioned communication before in both the building the foundation and conflict resolution blogs, and I'm mentioning it again, because open lines of communication between the husband and wife will help make your marriage-life flow smoother and reduce stress on the marriage. My inspiration for this section is from James 1:19, "...be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." Expanding off that, here are some ideas to help make your communication easier and better. Refer to both the previous blogs as they are helpful, but here are 5 important aspects of proper communication with your spouse:

1) Remove Barriers to Communication: Communication involves a sender, a receiver and a message. When talking with your spouse and things seem to get heated, it may be because one person is not receiving the message properly. There are multiple stumbling blocks that can interfere with the receiver properly hearing the message, ranging from voice, language barriers, and noise, but you need to adapt and overcome. The best way to communicate important issues is to set down face-to-face with no distractions. If you find times that your husband or wife is not getting your message, don't get upset, figure out what is blocking your message from your receiver and remove the obstacle if possible, or wait until an appropriate time when the distraction is no longer a problem. For instance, trying to talk when washing the dishes or vacuuming is a bad idea. If you are watching television mute or turn off the television if you have "important" things to say.

2) Actively Listen: Listening involves more than just hearing. Pay attention and let the message sink in, rather than just thinking of what you are going to say next. Communication should not be one sided, as it should involve two people, so if you find yourself controlling the conversation maybe it's time for you to switch to listening mode. Again, one person talks the other one listens and alternate.

3) Don't Interrupt: Give each other an ample amount of time to talk about something; one person talks the other one listens without interrupting. This goes along with rule 2, and do everything you can to not interrupt as this shows respect for the message that your partner is trying to convey, while interrupting just increases tensions. If you don't show respect, it's hard to receive it and hold people to not interrupting you when its your turn to speak. Remember the Golden Rule, Luke 6:31, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

4) Do not allow yourself to get angry: Try to remain calm and maintain the situation calm. If things get heated, cool down and try to discuss it after things settle down a little. "A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel," Proverbs 15:18.

5) Acknowledge the speaker: Show your partner that you are listening by actively participating in the conversation rather than just saying, "mmm hmm," try to provide some feedback that shows that you are not only hearing but have something to add, but remember rules 2 and 3. Proverbs 15:1, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."

Hope this helps... Feel free to respond and add to this conversation.

5 Steps to Prevent That Big Scarlett "A"

2007-12-15T21:34:00.000-08:00

For those of you that have no idea what the "Scarlett Letter" by Nathaniel Hawthorne is, I'm referring to Adultery. In a previous blog, I mentioned that the biggest reason for divorce was the everyday little annoyances in life that just build up and deteriorate the foundation that you've built. We talked a little about that foundation and a few ways to make those arguments less of a yelling contest and more of a way to communicate your feelings with one another. However, Adultery is a problem and once something like that creeps into your marriage, it can rip your marriage apart. Most outside-of-marriage sexual encounters are not just one-night stands, they usually build up slowly with friends, acquaintances, or co-workers during rough times or when one spouse is seeking something they aren't finding at home, usually a basic need, so let's look at 5 measures you as a couple can take to prevent the big "A" before it starts:

1) Honest and Open Communication - "Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully... for we are all members of one body (Ephesians 4:25)." Be honest, open, and communicate your feelings and needs with one another. If you need someone to talk to, talk to your spouse, and be there for each other. Try to fulfill that need and desire in your spouse to have an emotional bond with someone. (Refer to #2 on this blog for more on communication)

2) Set Time Aside for Love-Making - Don't neglect to have sex with each other, 1 Corinthians 7:3 says, "The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband." I'm not saying that you have to have sex every day, but I would say a couple times a week, and at the least once per week; this is important, especially if one person has more of a sex drive than the other. 1 Corinthians 7:5 goes on to say, "Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." I know couples who have gone long periods of time without sex, and in these situations it created a longing for human contact that they seeked to fulfill elsewhere. If you and your spouse haven't had sex in over a month, someone needs to take the initiative (be the bigger person) and have sex, better yet, make love! When you do come together, remove all distractions and find a time that will work for both of you (make time; your marriage is important). Make it meaningful and make it about the other person, especially if you want it to be more of a routine thing in your marriage.

3) Appreciation and Affirmation - Have together-time and tell your spouse how great they are. Your spouse needs affirmation and edification, they need to know that they still light your fire and that those passion flames are still burning for them. It is imperative to "... comfort each other and edify one another," as we should do per 1 Thessalonians 5:11. Some ways to show appreciation and affirmation to your spouse are to:

Create contact - touch your spouses arm or leg, run your hands through their hair, hug each other.
Create positive thoughts - give each other cards, leave notes, tell them thank you, say something nice, give them a call, an e-mail, a text message, and truly appreciate each other.
Be Thankful - Be truly thankful for all that your spouse does for you, and show appreciation whenever possible. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."

Please don't overlook this step, this fulfills one of the lowest levels of our natural human needs; you do want to fulfill your spouses needs don't you?

4) Don't Set Yourself Up For Failure - Most extramarital affairs occur due to these types of situations where one partner opens up to someone other than their spouse who starts filling their basic needs. Don't confide in a friend of the opposite sex; your spouse should be your best friend, and you should be sharing everything with him or her. If you have a special connection with another person of the opposite sex, it breaks down the trust you have in one another and works to emotionally attach you to someone other than your spouse. It's very important to not allow yourself in the situation where you could compromise yourself and your morals, so don't spend time alone with members of the opposite sex. Confide in your spouse and if you are having issues, you should really talk to your spouse or seek counseling. You don't have to break all ties with your friends, but what is more important to you, the relationship you had with some girl or guy that is your "friend", or your spouse? I'm hoping your marriage is more important to you than a past friendship that will surely fade away in years to come.

5) Constantly think of your spouse and family (positively) - Think about those things that brought you toward your spouse (make a list if you have to). Remember the vows you made and what they mean to you; why should that change now? Keep your spouse and family in your thoughts and prayers as your family should be your number one priority. Harboring good thoughts all day long helps you keep those thoughts when you come home after a bad day at work. Similarly, if you have nothing but bad thoughts, that will also show through in your communication with each other and spark arguments and conflict.

These 5 steps will help you satisfy basic needs in your marriage, and help ensure these bonds are built with you and your spouse while strengthening these bonds.

I hope that all helps out... feel free to respond.

5 Rules for Conflict Resolution

2007-12-10T09:56:00.000-08:00

Have you ever heard the Gretchen Wilson song "The Bed"? It talks about a woman lying in bed crying, just wishing that her husband would reach out to her, "if he'd just reach out she'd forget about all the times that he let her down, Oh but in his mind everything's all right when the lights go out," the lyrics go. When he finally does lean over in bed to say I love you, "... all he finds are pages full of words she'd never said."

Remember if you don't communicate your feelings and your spouse isn't getting a proper read on your body language, you've got to just come out and say what you're feeling and what is on your mind. One thing that has helped my wife and I with communicating about issues and distress is to agree on certain rules about arguments (or discussions). Top 5 rules to agree upon for conflict resolution with your spouse:

1) Make an agreement to not bring up past problems that have already been resolved; this is not necessary and just adds more problems during conflict resolution. The last thing you need when you are down is to be reminded that you forgot to take out the trash last week, especially when you are discussing what is bothering you now. You should've talked about the trash last week, not now.

2) Try to resolve the issue on the day that the issue occurs, not months down the road, so that everything is fresh in your mind rather than trying to rebuild the scenario over again because you've been stewing about it for a month and have allowed your mind to exaggerate the issue. Ephesians 4:26 states, "In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold."

3) Give each other time to speak, take turns talking, and do not interrupt. Try to stay on subject and allow the other to respond before changing the subject. Don't keep repeating yourself. State the facts and talk about what is truly bothering you, then allow your spouse to respond and listen. Think about what you are going to say before you say it, it helps if you listen fully to what your spouse has said, let it sink in before saying something rash that you'll regret. "A wise man's heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction (Proverbs 16:23)"

4) Once all the facts are out there and your spouse knows how you are feeling and has been given a few minutes to respond, take time to ponder how the other person feels without talking and try to put yourself in your spouses shoes. Seriously contemplate this without any distractions if you can; this also allows you to cool down a little bit, which many times has opened up my eyes and my spouses eyes to the other person's point-of-view. Try to move on to step 5 before you go to bed that night; this is important, as without the final step this problem is not truly resolved and you will have a hard time following rule 1 and this issue will come up again if not fester and burn you up inside.

5) Apologize, forgive, and forget (don't bring it up again; see rule 1). You've just spent some time contemplating what was done, what you did, and what your spouse did. Where could you have done better, accept that, apologize, and try to change that aspect in your life (if you can). Accept the apology from your spouse and truly work in your heart and soul to forgive them.

These 5 rules to conflict resolution in a marriage have greatly helped me during those heated discussions. If both you and your spouse agree to follow these guidelines, your arguments will be fewer and will be resolved much easier.

5 Foundations to Building a Strong Marriage

2007-12-02T13:50:00.001-08:00

Check out eharmony's research on the top reasons for divorce.
http://www.eharmony.com/labs/blog/2007/11/stay_married/

Can you believe that everyday issues were at the top of the list?

Don't let menial things destroy your marriage. You need to build your marriage on a proper foundation. Before you build a house, you have to lay the foundation. The same is true for a marriage as well. What is this foundation I'm talking about, read these 5 foundations of a healthy marriage to help prevent you from being a statistic.

1) Have realistic expectations: You can't just say, "I do" and expect magic to happen; you've got to have realistic expectations. Don't go into a marriage expecting to change the person or thinking that the person will change, because that is the person you are marrying and they're NOT going to change. You know who you're marrying now, don't be upset if they're still the same person 5 years from now. The marriage ceremony will not make your marriage better; a grandiose wedding ceremony does not equate to a better marriage. I've known people who spent hundred's of thousands of dollars and were divorced within 9 months; they couldn't even make it a year, so believe me a wedding ceremony doesn't make a better marriage. Think about what marriage is to you, ask your partner what they think marriage is. Talk about your notions and expectations before you decide to marry one another. Are your expectations realistic? Before things get too heated, read the next item.

2) Communication and Intimacy: I've heard the statement "God, gave you 2 ears and 1 mouth, so you should listen twice as much as you speak." There is a lot of truth to that, think about it, if you listened and truly listened to your spouse, how much more in-tune do you think you'd be to his/her emotions. Listening also gives you a chance to receive the true message that your partner is trying to convey; all too often the message is lost during transmission and we jump to conclusions before we've even finished processing the information. Listening doesn't involve just your ears either. How many times have you asked someone, "What's wrong," only to get a, "nothing" in response? If you only heard the word, “nothing” then you probably just said, “Okay,” and walked away. This may have worked when you were dating, but not-so-much now. There’s more to communication than just listening, if you’ve ever taken any sort of public speaking or communication classes then you may have heard of the 7-38-55% rule, where the words we say account for 7% of the message we are trying to convey, tone of voice accounts for 38%, and our gestures and actions actually make up over half of the message. Go back to the situation where you ask your husband or wife, “What’s wrong,” they say nothing. Look at their body cues and posture and their facial expressions; body-language is a huge component of communication.
I know this next part is probably not really thought of as communication, but we've just discussed that communication is 55% of body language, so I think that sex is a huge part of communication. How long would your marriage last if you and your spouse didn't talk for 1 month, or 3 months? On the same note, how long do you think it will last if you don't have sex for 1 month, 3 months, or even 9 months or more? No, you're right, but there are a lot of people that I know who try to make a marriage work without having sex with each other for months at a time, even years. It's no wonder things end disastrously. Men and women both need this sexual contact and intimacy with one another, so don't doom your relationship by turning down sex every night (especially out of anger or a fight), but there are times when you should agree to not have sex. It should be something that both partners want when having it, but every once in a while you've got to take one for the team and have sex, that is if you want your marriage to work. I've heard the excuse, we just don't have time, but I tell you that you need to make time, try to set up a date with each other for at least one night a week where you can spend this intimate time together and strengthen your lines of communication. Part of communication is listening and being in-tune with your partners needs and desires not just talking.

3) Congruent Belief-System or Moral Standards: I'm not saying that you both have to be Catholic, or whatever belief system you may be, but a lot of times problems start in the marriage when you have two different sets of belief systems. Especially when children are brought into the mix and one person wants to participate in certain rituals and rites that the other person may not hold dear. Here you have to really weigh why you want your child to go through a certain ceremony, or why not. If you aren't married and don't have kids, now would be a good time to talk about your expectations in these matters (see number 1 and while talking refer to number 2). Another important aspect of congruent belief-system is does your partner have the same idea about what marriage is, what about relationships outside of marriage? If you go into a marriage with a skewed idea of marriage and don't have the same moral standards when it comes to sexual relationships outside of marriage what will prevent this person from doing so. If you know where your partner stands on these certain issues then it shouldn't become a problem down the road. Remember, you can't change your partner, nor should you expect your partner to change after you are married. If your partner is an Atheist and you're a Protestant, don't expect your partner to all of a sudden start going to church with you, or quit going to church if you're the Atheist. You know who you're marrying this falls back on number 1 (don't expect your partner to change), so you should talk about where you stand on certain issues so that they shouldn't be a problem in the future; go through major components of your beliefs and moral code and discuss: marriage, sex, children, and anything that you think of that could be a problem. If your partner can't change that aspect of their life or come to some sort of compromise or there aren't any alternatives, and you're already married you will have adapt and overcome. If you're not married and no compromises can be met, maybe you should think about what type of toll this could put on your relationship in the future if this situation were to arise (remember you know your partner now, they will not change after you are married); you're not breaking God's covenant if you decide not to get married, it's better to back out before and be judged by people, then to back out after and be judged by God.

4) Unity: When two people become married, they should now act as 1. In Genesis, the bible speaks of 2 people leaving their parents, it uses the word cleave, which is to cut off. This means cut-off the ties and the reigns your parents had, as you are now your own family and are responsible only to each other and God. I'm not saying avoid your parents completely, but they shouldn't have any sort of rules over you and your spouse, and when you have problems, you should not seek them for comfort as this has many times turned one spouse against another; if you need to seek some help, find a pastor or counselor.

5) Self-Sacrifice and Submission: Now that you are a married couple you must quit putting yourself first and put your husband/wife first. You must submit to each other; no that doesn't mean to become their slave, but going back to communication, which is probably one of the most important aspects of making a marriage work, you must be in-tune with your partners needs and be willing to work with them and compromise toward satisfying each other. Not everything needs to be a compromise or a negotiation, but if you've ever taken communication classes or management classes you may have talked about negotiating; you are looking for the win-win situations in everything that you absolutely must "negotiate," but every once in a while you will have to take one for the team or compromise. That's what you are now as a married couple, a team. I don't know any teams that want to lose... I hope you aren't setting your team up for failure.

Please feel free to comment and add some value to the conversation.

First: What is marriage?

2007-12-02T11:30:00.000-08:00

If you look at the term marriage in the dictionary, it is no wonder that so many marriages end up in divorce. Dictionary.com defines marriage as, "the social institution under which a man and woman establish their decision to live as husband and wife..." and merriam-webster online defines it as, "the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law." I'm not going to go into the same sex marriage issue here that the second definition expands upon, but marriage is seen as nothing more than an institution and a contractual relationship, basically a tax break and a contract that you both have to sign, with the idea that you can break that contract if you needed to. I'll admit, there is a contract or oath that you make with your spouse, but you also make and oath to God, which is one oath you don't want to break. Marriage is not the "next step" you take in a relationship when you "decide" to live as husband and wife. Marriage is not the answer to pleasing a boyfriend or girlfriend, nor is it a mere contract. There are a lot of things marriage isn't, but what is it?

Marriage is the joining of two people in a life-long commitment, where you and your spouse must act as one cohesive unit. Once you become married, you can no longer be the selfish being you once were, you must work together, make decisions together, have each other in mind rather than yourself. You must become separated from your parents and begin to build your own foundation and family. Marriage is built on a strong foundation... stay tuned as I talk more about this foundation.